Everyone has those days.
I survived morning rush hour traffic. The way my husband
drives, we are the only ones rushing and everyone else is just in the way. GPS
is only useful for avoiding speed traps and accidents That ETA is just a
challenge issued. Accepted. (Hears in my head the opening to the arcade game Pole Position) Prepare to Qualify.
I have learned a
lesson in the car with him, NEVER drink, because his ass will swerve and break
when you don’t expect it and you will be wearing that drink. God forbid there
be a straw. Straight up the nose with that! Eww. And NEVER eat. Same issue. I stabbed my tonsils with a fry once. Not fun. And NEVER put on makeup unless you want to look like Post Malone.
It would be more to my hubby’s liking if he could drive a
tank or a monster truck over all in his path. Crush the compacts! It says RAM right on the back of those trucks, practically begging for it. And how many ladders can these people strap to the roof of those white vans? Anyway, I’m sure all people feel this
way in traffic.
While I am glad, I get to carpool with my hubby, I do quite
enjoy arriving at my destination safely.
He test my invisible brake pedal with every trip, and not to mention my sphincter
muscle. Now he isn’t a bad driver, not at all. And others aren’t bad drivers
either, but some. Oh my gosh, how do they make it anywhere I will never know.
You got those people who would rather side swipe you than
let you merge onto the highway. I mean you know its happening. So why speed up
and be a jackass about it? Then those people jerk out in front of you a
suddenly decide the speed limit is 35 on the 70mph highway. Um, you are going
to get your ass smashed in someday doing that. Then you got these people in
these nice expensive cars that drive them like its Grand Theft Auto. Or worse, drive them like Grandma.
Now, I am not a car aficionado. Hell, I thought Tesla was a
band. But some of these cars, I know cost a lot of money, and are uglier than
shit. You pay that much for a car and pick baby-shit yellow for the color,
that’s just stupid.
I also see diarrhea green and Oops I sharted brown and construction cone orange.
I envy those people who get to name the colors. LOL
And exactly how big of a truck or SUV do you need to make others
think you have a big penis? And what is the point of lights under the car or
truck? Maybe its the thing to do. Or maybe, they are d-bags. Its your money to waste on unnecessary lighting and features. I once heard this truck blow his horn and it sounded like a train! why? what is the purpose of that? Other than to make people brown their britches?
Is it your goal to be mistaken for an UFO, oh I guess since the car isn’t flying it would be an Unidentified Moving Object. I know my hubs wants a truck. Why not. Trucks are great. But race cars are faster.
NOT YOURS, BUT TRULY
*Dixie*
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